Academic Identity
by Life is just a tire swing
Summary: Prompted by Annajadekin's Secrets Are Never Kept Forever (I know there are others, but mine is slightly different.) First FanFiction attempt. Jane shows Maura the contents of her safe and discloses secrets even her family aren't privy to. Jane isn't the Jane Maura thought she knew. T for cursing. Rizzles a probable.
1. Lab Results

**A/N: Annajadekin wrote a prompt entitled Secrets are Never Kept Forever. I have now seen 3 other pieces written based on that prompt. I think mine is different enough to be entertaining. This is my first attempt at writing anything. I do not own the characters. Please enjoy.**

 **I am updating the first three chapters after editing. Nothing has changed regarding plot.**

The sound of the door to the morgue being slammed against the wall as it was unceremoniously pushed through sounded like a gun going off. The normally unflappable ME was annoyed with herself for the physical reaction she had while cutting into the breast plate of the young woman on her table.

"Cheese and Rice!" Maura muttered to herself.

"Did you get those results back, Maur? I need them like yesterday." Jane started badgering her without even greeting the doctor.

Maura looked up at her through the spattered face shield, looked back down at her hands covered in body fluids and back to the detective's face. A perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose. "Does it look like I have had time to review them, Jane?"

"Have the labs returned, Maura?" Jane repeated her question.

"Yes, but I haven't gone over them yet."

The brunette picked up the folder. "These them?"

"Yes, but I need to finish this. I know we are on a time crunch, Jane. I am being as efficient as I can."

Maura looked on as the detective thumbed through the reports. "I know, Maura, I know. I just need to find her. Alive. I need to find her alive. She is only 3." The detective's voice had dropped as she spoke and the tension radiating off her could be felt several feet away. It took every ounce of professionalism Maura had to keep her hands in the body she was processing and not wrap herself around Jane. She knew she would be rebuffed, but the desire was still there and all but overwhelming at the moment.

The husky voice that had ruined more than one pair of silk panties caused her to break her reverie. The detective was speaking into the phone as she thumbed through the pages.

"Alright, let's try and find these bastards. They were taken after noon, before 4. Maur, what was her liver temp?"

"33 degree Celsius at the time of discovery."

"So she'd been dead for 3 hours, when she was found 2 hours ago. She was alive in the ransom tape the parents received at 4:45. It is 9:15 now. She died around 4, leaving 3 hours and 40 minutes for travel. It takes 45 minutes to get to an interstate from their approximate location. Traffic at this time of day would take another hour to get 15 miles; therefore we are looking at a 140 mile radius at most because they wouldn't speed with an abducted child. We found the nanny within 10 miles, so focus on the immediate area without ruling out anything further."

Maura was certain she hadn't told her friend the time of death, however it was accurate.

"Ok, so she was found in woods where there was no Monarda didyma present, however she has that on her clothes. Narrow it down to areas where Monarda didyma or 'Beebalm' is present. This should be areas to the north, northwest, and southeast, though the southeast is outside of the immediate area. The residue found on her is from a cranberry bog. The major area where cranberries are grown is to the southeast of us, north of Martha's Vineyard, so forget what I said earlier and focus to the southeast. Methyl methacrylate is the base for many acrylic plastic polymers. Cross reference family and associates who work where plastics are made with people on the short list. Then check rural property to the southeast near cranberry bogs. They would want a relatively secluded area."

Maura's years of social training allowed her to keep her expressions strictly controlled. How did Jane know all of that off the top of her head? The doctor filed it away to look into later. Right now there was a little girl who was depending on them.


	2. A Teacher's Car

Later that night Maura found herself freshly showered wearing a BPD shirt and running shorts, also known as Jane's version of pajamas, and sitting on her friend's couch. The detective had her head in Maura's lap as Maura was softly running her fingers through dark hair while holding a full wineglass in her other hand.

"I never knew how comforting this could be until we became friends" Maura spoke softly.

"That kind of makes me sad, Maur. Ma used to do this for us all the time. Hell, she still does it. It always made me feel a little better."

"Yes, well you taught me how a simple touch could bring comfort, so no need to be sad."

"Tell me something all Google like to restore my faith in humanity."

Maura started speaking in a low soft voice. She relayed all the random good things she had hear or read about recently while maintaining her steady pace of running her fingers through Jane's hair. After an hour or so she allowed her voice to drop off. She had finished her wine some time ago and placed the glass on the table. Both hands where running along Jane's scalp and playing with her hair.

Jane patted her hand and sat up slowly. She went to the restroom and then the kitchen where she refilled Maura's glass and retrieved a fresh beer. Handing Maura her glass as she returned, Jane sat down on the other side of the couch, folding the leg closest to the back under her and placing the other on the floor. Facing Maura, she took a deep breath. "Ask."

Maura quietly sipped her wine.

"I know you have questions, ask."

The doctor thought for a moment before forming her question. "Was that the first time looking at it?"

Jane swallowed a sip of beer. "Yes."

"I read that report. All the information was scientific names and chemical compounds."

"I know" Jane looked down at the hands holding her beer in her lap.

Maura pressed harder. "Have you been studying? Where you using your phone to 'Google'?"

"No"

The doctor sighed; obviously she wasn't asking the correct questions. The fact that Jane wasn't circumventing or responding with sarcasm gave her hope though. Maura decided to ask more direct questions.

"What is your IQ, Jane?"

"Before we go any further, this is BFF territory. All information is protected by said understanding."

Maura nodded as she answered. "Understood."

"My IQ is one point lower than yours" Jane informed her quietly.

Maura was surprised. "How long have you known this?"

"I was tested when I was 8."

Maura tilted her head. "Why do you hide it?"

Jane took a long pull from her beer and placed it on the table. She corrected her posture and thought for a moment. Maura had become suspicious of this as of late. She knew the detective was more intelligent than she let on, though she wasn't quite prepared for how intelligent.

"You know I went to Catholic school when I was younger. What you don't know is we lived in New York until I was 10. I was a lot like you were until that point, socially awkward and extremely literal. I had a lot of trouble making friends. I loved to read. I was reading Faulkner at 10" she chuckled "and understanding it. We weren't any better off in NY then we are here, so I also wore a lot of hand me downs. I got picked on. A lot. I was always tinkering with things and trying to build things.

I wanted to help this sweet teacher I had. She never belittled me and she always encouraged me to do well for myself, not just marry a nice Catholic boy and raise babies. Her car was crap and had all these problems and she was living on a teacher's salary. I figured since she always took a lot of time out of her day to help me and speak to me like a person, not just a child, I was going to do something for her. One night I took her car apart to fix as much as I could without replacement parts." She looked up sheepishly.

"I fell asleep before I finished putting it back together. Ms. Evans wasn't angry, but he principal didn't care for me to begin with and started telling everyone I was a trouble maker and had done this to play a prank on her. He was threatening to expel me. My parents were beside themselves. How could such a hellion come from such good stock? It was bad. No one would talk to them in the neighborhood or at church. They did the only thing they thought they could do. We moved to Boston. I promised Ma and Pop that I would never let anything like that happen again. So, I became the Jane Rizzoli you know now."

They sat there for a moment in silence. Each took a few sips from their drinks. Maura didn't know what to think. She was a little upset that Jane had never shared this before, but on the other hand she completely understood that Jane just immersed herself in this new version of herself.

Maura also knew that she had an open invitation for questions. One had been plaguing her for a while about her best friend, so she used her free pass.

"Where do you go on Wednesday nights?

"Shit. I was hoping you wouldn't work that one out. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess" Jane said with a sigh, the last part directed to herself.

She ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, well, this is where things get a little more complicated. You know I got accepted into BCU."

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, apparently my essay captured the attention of a specific professor. He reached out to me when they received my intentions to not attend. Apparently the sole reason for my acceptance was my essay and his insistence that I attend his class. I was not able to get an academic scholarship as I made sure to maintain my GPA at the high end of the average, but not so high as to draw attention. I was also quite involved in sports and that added to my cover as well. I went out of my way to appear ordinary. He and I began a correspondence. After learning of my plan to take night classes at a community college, he arranged to be a guest professor. The last night of my class he approached me and proposed something so farfetched I was speechless. "

"It wasn't unethical, was it?"

Jane chuckled, "not necessarily unethical, but definitely a little… misleading? The summation of it is this, he was so impressed by my essay, our correspondence, and how I performed on certain assignments he gave me throughout his guest teaching stint, that he helped me go to BCU the next semester without spending a dime. We set up another identity for me, an academic identity if you will. We created a transcript for this new identity and I applied for every single Grant and Scholarship I was eligible for. Before you ask, he did not sit on any of the boards. He has just been in education for so long; he was extremely helpful in directing my efforts."

Jane paused for a moment. Maura knew Jane wasn't quite finished, so she employed the detective's own tactic once again, allowing her to continue when she was ready.

"This is the difficult part, Maur." Jane looked at her friend shyly. "So, this professor is a fairly renowned criminal psychologist who has written many papers and conducted many studies involving profiling of criminals, law enforcement, and their interactions. The agreement was that I would maintain my academic identity; however I would live my life as Jane Rizzoli. I would then give him information and make observations about my interactions as Jane Rizzoli, occasionally changing variables to observe the trends in the responses."

"Do you mean you have been running a study on us this whole time?!" Maura was incensed. "You have been experimenting and observing your friends and colleagues for educational purposes? For us all to be judged by others and made a mockery of! Why? Why would I think you were truly…"

Jane reached over with both hands and placed them on the doctor's shoulders. "Please don't say the rest of that, Maur. It would kill me to know you even thought it. No. Absolutely in no way have I ever treated anyone that I work with, anyone who is my family," she looked Maura in the eyes for this part "nor anyone I love, as an object for an experiment. In fact, this is the reason that I have not shared this with you until this moment."

"Please give me a moment before you judge me." This time Jane waited Maura out. She gave her the mental space and quiet to work out her thoughts and didn't degrade the seriousness of it with sarcasm or humor. Maura was immensely thankful for this and composed herself. If she was curious before, it would be safe to say that she ached to find out the rest now. Sighing, Maura looked at her friend's expression and found the understanding gaze she knew so well. How could she deny her the chance for further explanation? This conversation was destined to be a struggle for them from the start.

"I'm listening."

"I realized early on that I refused to manipulate the people I serve with. I just couldn't do it. There is too much comradery required to place your life in their hands daily. I could never rationalize myself with that. No, I focus more on how the interaction between civilians and myself and how that changes as I alter the intellect I approach them with. This includes highly intelligent persons as well as the more average persons. I don't just focus on suspects either; I include witnesses and family members as well. I have become quite… respected, in my field. To the point of, Dr. Isles, you have quoted me my own articles before."

Maura pondered everything she had just heard for a moment. She was searching her mind for a paper that she might have quoted her friend. After a few moments, realization struck causing her eyes to open slightly. "Your academic identity is JORDAN RANDOLPH?!"

A sigh and a nod was all she got.

"I need more wine." Maura got up and went to the kitchen. In a very methodical manner she pulled out the bottle of wine and replenished her glass. She then replaced the cork, grabbed a bottle of beer, her

glass, and the bottle, and returned to the living room. She gently handed Jane the beer and placed the bottle on the table. She used the mundane actions to allow time for this colossal discovery to set in.

"That would mean that this 'professor' is actually Dr. Terrance Thomas. The foremost expert in profiling and law enforcement psychology on the East Coast, if not America."

"That would be him."

"When I email Jordan Randolph for a consult or to bounce ideas off of, I am actually getting your opinion. When I could have simply made a phone call to, oh, I don't know, MY BEST FRIEND?"

Sheepishly this time, "Yes, Maur."

"Oh, I can't wait to hear more." Maura settles into the back of the couch. This was going to be a long night.

A brown eyebrow rose. "And you say you don't use sarcasm."

Jane wipes her hands on her legs and takes another sip of her beer. Now she is rubbing the scars on her palms and this action intrigues Maura as to its cause. "So, yeah. I went to BCU and finished my Bachelors in a couple years and then went on to finish my post graduate work in another couple years."

Maura interrupted once again, "You were going through the academy and then working beat cop hours at that point. How did you manage to get all that work down in that short a period of time?"

Jane shrugged. "It was a lot of work. I had no social life, but I was able to achieve a long time goal. It was worth it and it was the best option I had."

That was why Jane was playing with her scars. She was self-conscious about her accomplishments. A puzzle piece fell into place for why Jane was always so damn self-conscious of praise. She was taught to be. It took a lot for her friend to share with her and she decided she would not be angry with her over the deception. Yes, her initial description had caused the ME to stupidly question the detective's loyalty; however she had read every article Jordan Randolph had published. She knew the truth in what her

friend had shared. There really was nothing for her to forgive. In Maura's mind Jordan Randolph's morals were impeccable and beyond reproach.

"All of this leads to Wednesdays. The first and third of every Wednesday I lecture and have office hours for two hours immediately following. The second and fourth Wednesday I am usually attending some lecture or guest speaking, or whatever. So, Wednesdays, I am Jordan Randolph. It also helps that you tell me things months in advance, so if you have an event you are attending I spend those evenings attending to Jordan's duties as well and I can avoid attending any events as Jordan that you attend this way."

Maura decided it was time to revert back to question and answer. "You have been all over the paper, how does no one recognize you as Boston's poster child detective? Especially in the field you are in? More to the point, how does no one recognize you as Jordan Randolph when we go to the campuses or request consults and profiles?"

Jane's face fell. "I guess it is time for me to show you some things."


	3. Contents of a Safe

Jane sighed and stood up, offering her hand to Maura. Looking up from the couch, Maura could see the stress and worry on her friend's face. For the second time in less than 24 hours an overwhelming urge to crush Jane to her body rippled over her. Maura gently shook herself and accepted the offered hand.

Jane's body position, the couch, and the table didn't allow for a lot of room, so when the doctor stood up, she was firmly in the detective's personal space. She slowly reached up with her free hand to cup Jane's face. When her friend closed her eyes and pressed gently into her hand, Maura could see some of the stress lines on Jane's face ease and knew she had made the correct decision. Maura rose onto her toes and kissed Jane's forehead. "After you" she whispered.

Jane led her into her bedroom by the hand. She turned the light on and led Maura to the closet. Jane opened the closet door and turned the light on in there as well. "You know how we made one another our emergency contacts and next of kin last year? We went and got all that paperwork done and I had my first will written?" Maura nodded.

"Well, I told you that I had to go back on a day I knew you had plans because I had a lot more things to settle." Jane then pushed the clothes out of the back corner of the closet. On the floor sat a small safe. Jane pointed to it, "Open it."

Maura sank to her knees by the safe. "What's the code?"

Jane answered from the doorway, "What is the most commonly used safe code?"

"A birthday," Maura replied.

"Whose birthday would I use, Maura?" Jane quizzed the ME.

"Your own or someone who is important to you" Maura was beginning to have a clue as to where this was going.

Jane arched her eyebrow, "Now whose birthday do you think I used?"

"Mine" Maura whispered. She sat down in front of the safe and opened it. There was a thick manila envelope, a safety deposit box key, a house key, and a letter addressed to her, which she picked up. "Am I to open it?"

"I am tired of hiding things from you, so I'll tell you what, since I obviously have just given you most of the information that is contained in that envelope, I need to write an updated one. You can take that one now. I just ask that you do not read it until you are at your house and have some time to process what it says. That letter contains some things we haven't discussed yet."

Maura was inspecting the envelope. "Can't you just tell me what they are now? It would make more sense to tell me those things in person."

"I assure you; everything will become clear once you read it, however to briefly summarize the contents, I inform you of everything we have discussed. I also inform you that I have left all of my worldly possessions in your capable hands. The safe deposit box is detailed in location and contents as well as the other key. In the manila envelope there is a copy of all of my identifications, including the ones for Jordan. The purpose of the other house key is in there as well. Now I will take you to Jordan's place." Jane locked the safe, grasped Maura's hand once again and back tracked through the house, extinguishing the lights as she went.

At the doorway to her apartment, she grabbed her keys and put on flip flops, urging Maura to put something on her feet as well. "We are walking over to Jordan's apartment. I am going to need a few minutes to change. The separate apartments make it easier for me to compartmentalize Jane and Jordan. In college, I approached it as if Jordan were my roommate. As Jordan started receiving an income, I decided two separate apartments would be much easier to maintain my sanity and easier than explaining a door that is always locked, don't you think?"

Maura nodded silently. Her body was vibrating with tension. "It is almost like you have a whole other personality."

Jane shook her head, "No, I don't think so. My personality never changes, I just alter how I present myself to the world depending on which persona I am in. I use the spaces to separate my interactions. If I were to stop doing it, you would notice traits of both personas and it would be very confusing for anyone who truly knew Jane or Jordan. I could explain everything I do to distinguish Jordan from Jane; but honestly, it is just easier to show you. Do you trust me?"

"I trust you with my life, Jane. Nothing you have told me tonight changes that fact. I just wish you had the same faith in me." Maura was looking at her feet as she said the last part. Her shoulders had slumped and she realized she was feeling as if her best friend had shut her out of her life. That part, well, for lack of a better word, sucked.

Jane reached down and gently lifted Maura's face using a finger under her chin. "Please look at me" she murmured. Slowly hazel eyes shining with emotion rose to meet chocolate ones. "How many letters were in that safe?"

"1"

Jane tapped the letter clutched in Maura's hand. "Who is it addressed to?"

"Me"

"I have been doing this for years. Do you really think there was no way for me to hide today? Did you have to pin me down tonight to talk? I was ready for you to know. You might not have known all along, but that wasn't because I didn't want you to. It was because I wasn't ready to tell you. It's like the frog in the boiling water. If you put a frog into boiling water, it will jump out. If you put a frog into a pan of room temperature water and bring the water to boil with the frog already in it, then the frog will boil with the water, never jumping out. The lie was less hurtful to maintain then it was to break. You are the most important person in my life and that is why I am telling you all of this."

As Jane spoke, Maura realized none of Jane's walls went up. She openly looked into her eyes and allowed them to express everything she was feeling and saying. At that moment, there was no doubt left in her mind of what she meant to Jane. Maura felt her own walls disintegrate a little, knowing that she would be able to free herself from her own burden soon. Not tonight though. Tonight was Jane's turn. "You are the most important person in my life as well, Jane. No more secrets after tonight. Understood?"

Jane chuckled and ducked her head. "How about we state no more secrets after you read that letter?"

Maura tucked the letter into the pocket of the shorts she was wearing. "I can agree to that."


	4. To Jordan's House We Go

As if to prove that Jane's playfulness had not totally disappeared, she spat in her hand and offered it to the ME. "Shake on it."

"That is so gross, Jane! Do you know how unsanitary that is?" Maura continued to fill her in on facts as to exactly why it was so bad, including how much bacteria is in the human mouth. Like always Jane just laughed and joked around, seemingly not understanding most of what she was saying. That's when the night's confessions hit her full on. Jane did understand. And she most likely knew all the statistics as well. The doctor knew it wasn't possible for her heart to literally swell, but it sure felt like it did. Jane not only never berated or belittled her for the odd habit that had turned so many people off, she seemed to treasure and encourage it. This was reinforced by the fact that though Jane probably already knew everything Maura was telling her, she still engagingly listened to every word and rarely shut her down. Those rare times she did, it was in a playful way so as not to hurt her friend. Damn. She really loved that detective.

Jane's voice interrupted Maura's thoughts. "Okay, Doctor Isles, my turn for a question. How long have you suspected something wasn't as it seemed?"

"Honestly, it always felt like you were holding back on how intelligent you are. The last few months though I have been cluing in more and more."

"That wouldn't happen to be why you decided to start throwing false facts into your google speak recently, would it?"

Maura blushed. "Maybe I was hoping your competitive nature would get you to call me out on it, as you would say."

"How did that work out for ya?" Jane smirked.

"Not very well, and the hives became very bothersome" Maura lamented. Jane shook her head and laughed.

They had left the apartment, traveled down a flight of stairs, and walked around to the other side of the apartment building, all without going outside. Jane stopped at an apartment door with the number 7 on it. She used a nondescript key on her everyday key ring to enter. Maura had often wondered what the particular key was for. Jane always replied flippantly, "I don't know, do you know all the keys on your key ring? Sometimes you just have extra keys that you don't remember." At the time, Maura had suspected it belonged to a secret lover. She found the truth to be more comforting.

Flipping on the light as she entered, she placed the keys in a bowl sitting on a table by the door. Walking deeper into the apartment toward the bedroom she called over her shoulder. "I will be out in a few minutes. Please make yourself at home and look around."

Maura was stunned by the interior of 'Jordan's' apartment. It was impeccably decorated and in keeping with what a well-respected academic would inhabit. The art was tasteful and subdued with nothing cheap and nothing overpriced. The walls were painted in warm and inviting colors with bright accents throughout. The entire apartment was spotless and clearly very well maintained. The living room and dining room furniture were complete sets with no blemishes and there was no TV. All the dishes and silverware were matching and appropriately organized. No beer in the fridge, but she did have an appropriate selection of wine. A wine fridge?! Seriously? All that "wine is fine in the normal fridge" nonsense. Now Maura was offended, she giggled to herself.

As she roamed through the home, she couldn't help but notice the contradiction of the two dwellings. Beyond even the superficial, it seemed as though the detective's house was more masculine and this was more feminine. A lot like Jane herself, both resided within her. Maybe now Maura would get to see a little more of both sides. The thought of that caused a tingling of awareness within her. This could be very fun indeed, she thought to herself.

With Maura lost in her thoughts while blindly staring at a piece of decent artwork, Jane softly cleared her throat to get her attention. The blond took a deep breath and paused for a moment before turning toward the bedroom. She was infinitely thankful that she had given herself a moment to steady her composure. When she saw 'Jordan' her knees went weak.

Jane stood in the doorway to the bedroom as 'Jordan'. The aggressive detective stance was replaced by an assured graceful one. Tattered sweats nowhere to be found, she was wearing a champagne colored silk nightgown that fell mid-thigh with a matching robe. Gone were her animated brown eyes, only to be replaced by cold blue ones behind gold wire framed glasses. The sun kissed bronze skin was replaced with non-blemished pale skin on her face, neck, and hands. The cause of Maura's pause, however, was those gorgeous brown locks that she loved so much, or, rather the lack of them. Instead she found straight, dirty blond hair with highlights that was swept up into a neat bun.

"I can now understand why you chose to show me. I would know you if I paid very close attention to your facial features, but honestly, how often do we look for our friend's face in every face we see."

"Often times, we see what we want to see and what we expect to see when we observe others around us. I have based many profiling papers on that fact."

Maura gasped out loud. The deep, scratchy voice and slight accent that Maura associated with her best friend was gone. In its place was a voice completely void of accent, a little softer with an almost musical lilt to it. What in the Hell was that?!

The woman gracefully glided toward Maura, extending her hand. "Jordan Randolph, it's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Isles."

Maura accepted the offered hand, expecting to feel Jane's firmness. She looked down dumbfounded when she realized the skin seemed softer. Although the grip was not weak, it did not contain Jane's strength either. The lack of scar tissue digging into her palms due to the way her hand was being held caused Maura to once again gasp as she belatedly observed that the scars were barely discernible, though obviously still present. What. In. The. Hell?

* * *

 **A/N A heartfelt "Thank you" to Kei-Survivor who stepped up to Beta for me, and cjunited38 for offering to review my work. Thank you guys, you have been too kind.**


	5. Jordan Randolph, I Presume

Maura gasped and took a step back. She found herself not only speechless, but thoughtless as well. Dr. Maura Isles did not do thoughtless, yet here she was, her mind stuck on repeat. What, in the hell, was going on?

Jane (Jordan?) stepped in the direction of the kitchen. "Can I offer you some wine? I have been told you are fond of reds" she smirked.

Maura closed her eyes and swallowed. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

Her companion, she couldn't quite bring herself to call her Jordan, but she was most assuredly not Jane either, took time uncorking a well-chosen red. The doctor intently observed the woman before her and realized the actions were still that of Jane, just more refined. Maura was thankful for those few moments to once again regain composure while her host took her time in the kitchen.

Jordan stepped toward Maura and offered her a glass and then gestured to the couch. "Please, let us take a seat."

They sat down and within a few moments Maura uncharacteristically found herself comfortable in the presence of someone she had just met. That moment was when Maura decided that despite the appearance, voice, and mannerism change, the woman before her was still Jane and her subconscious just seemed to know that. It helped that despite all the other modifications, she still had the very distinct vanilla Jane smell and that brought comfort to the doctor.

The two friends fell in to an easy conversation. Maura found this version of Jane to be well spoken and highly intelligent. The woman's posture was impeccable, her personality much more serious, and her mannerisms became subtle. Jane was downright behaving in a refined manner. The conversation flowed easily from one topic to the next like always, for which the ME was grateful, however it was lacking the playfulness and intimacy that made their relationship so distinct.

Half an hour later the conversation fell into a natural lull. It wasn't unwelcome or uncomfortable, however it allowed Maura's mind to wander for a moment. When she was looking for something to do with her hands, Maura has a tendency to smooth her clothing. That action was the catalyst for the loss of her easiness. She looked down and realized what she was wearing. The unfamiliar surroundings led her mind to believe she was a guest in someone else's house and she was in no way appropriately attired for said excursion. The pressure of years of Socialite training and etiquette overwhelmed her heart's reassurance that it was Jane's home. Swallowing audibly, she took in a steadying breath to calm her nerves. Maura placed her empty wine glass on the coffee table and started to rise to make an excuse to leave.

Jane reached a hand out and placed it on her arm. "Please don't do that, Maura. I know everything just hit you like a ton of bricks and you are feeling like a stranger all of a sudden, but I am still me. Please don't leave."

Maura sighed deeply and sat back down. Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment, she remembered who her companion truly was. "I will stay, however I have a condition."

In Jane's tone and sarcasm, the reply came. "Condition away."

"I don't want to talk to you as 'Jane' or 'Jordan'. Share your complete personality with me, please. In what physical appearance and with what voice and mannerisms would you present yourself as? Show me who you are. Show me all of you at the same time. I want to see who you want to be."

There was silence for a few moments. Jane's face betrayed everything she was feeling as she worked through things. Maura was exuberant to realize she could still read her so well. Jane was right. It wasn't two distinct personalities. It was still Jane. Jane acting, but it was still her detective, no matter what.

A resigned sigh broke the silence. "Ok, I will do it, but this is so far in the LLBFF zone it shall never see the light of day. Is that understood?"

Blue eyes met hazel as the unspoken discussions occurred. It pleased Maura to know that colored contacts could not take away from their ability to communicate silently. A simple nod from the honey blond sealed the deal.

"This is going to take me a few moments. I have never dared to give myself the opportunity to even fantasize about this. I am going to need to make a few decisions. You are welcome to observe, quietly and unobtrusively, of course."

"I would anticipate no other way."

Jane stood gracefully. Once again she meticulously refilled their wine glasses. Then she made her way to the bedroom, dimming the lights in the living room as she left. Entering the bedroom, the subdued light on the bedside table was chosen over the more harsh light from the overhead. Jane handed Maura her glass and gestured to a comfortable sitting chair on the far side of the room. "Please, have a seat."

Maura took in her new surroundings. The decorating scheme of the bedroom was in sharp contrast to the rest of the apartment. Where the living areas spoke tasteful professional, the bedroom spoke to the passionate side. The doctor was momentarily taken aback by the room's ambiance. She found herself wondering how many lovers had seen the inside of this room. The normally forward doctor realized this wasn't the appropriate time to inquire as to that, though she ensured herself that question would be asked in the near future. Once again the furniture complimented the space seamlessly integrating the bed, tables, and the sitting chair with the room's décor. However, for the good doctor, the most surprising feature was the vanity that her friend was now sitting at.

Maura watched in awed silence as Jane removed the wig and wig cap that was securely held in place by wig pins. It appeared the detective was making her decisions one attribute at a time and she was extremely relieved to observe that Jane seemed to agree with her preference for her natural mane of hair. Jane then shook out her hair and ran her fingers through her hair before piling it up into a messy bun.

Next, she removed the colored contacts, though the glasses were returned to her face. The doctor frowned realizing that her friend did not require corrective lenses, however she managed to bite her lip to keep an admonishment from exiting her mouth. Her decision was almost instantly rewarded as she watched Jane decide on their removal as well. As the glasses were removed, Maura released the breath she didn't realize she was holding.

Standing from her vanity with her wine glass in hand, Jane approached Maura. Once again she held out her hand, "There isn't room for us both to sit here, please return with me to the living room." Jane spoke in her normal rich voice. As she approached the doctor, Maura noted that the swagger seemed to return, though her posture remained perfect and her gestures were still subdued. Maura placed her hand in Jane's and was beside herself to realize the strength had returned, though the gentleness remained.

They returned to the living room in silence. Maura discovered she was increasingly distracted by the feel of Jane's contradictory hands, so calloused and scarred yet her touch was silky and smooth. Were they always like this or was this part of the change? How had she not observed this before? Why was she so obsessed with the feel of the detective's touch?

They both sat down on opposite ends of the couch once again. Jane seemed more relaxed and she seemed more… Jane? Maura found she was comfortable once again. "Do you ever date as Jordan?"

"Mmmmm" Jane took a sip of wine. "Yes, I do. The real reason I appear not to date very often is that despite my separate identities, I am always exclusive to whomever I am dating, though they only interact with me as either Jane or Jordan. They never see me as both. Lately I have been enjoying dating as Jordan more than I have as Jane, hence the apparent lack of love life for Jane."

Maura laughed. "Come on, Jane. I have met the men in academia. They don't seem to be the type to hold your interest more than the ones I have observed you dating."

"That is why Jordan dates mostly women, Maura."

"Oh" softly falls from the doctor's lips.

Silence fills the apartment as Jane's words find hold in Maura's thoughts. A few minutes later, she finds her voice. "Are you saying that I could have been dating Jordan this whole time?" She laughs to give the impression of a casual comment, yet her every cell is primed for the answer.

"Without a doubt, there is no way in hell that would happen."

Maura was prepared to release a soft chuckle to cover her uneasiness. It never got passed her lips.

"I would never date you as Jordan. You belong to Jane, although now that I say that out loud it sounds really overbearing and creepy. Allow me to rephrase, perhaps. In my mind, you belong with Jane, not with Jordan. Jane would never tolerate Jordan taking that away from her. And if for some reason you did date 'Jordan', I know it would devastate me as Jane. That is something I could never keep separate. Nor would I ever want to."

Another heartfelt sigh passed from Jane. "What you don't know is that the last few relationships as Jordan have ended because of 'another woman'. There never was another woman; there was only you and our friendship. Apparently Jordan was too in love with her to ever let another woman in. Their words, not mine." Jane laughed self-deprecatingly. "And they never even knew me as Jane Rizzoli. I cannot even imagine how that would have played if they had. Now that I think about it, it is rather amusing that none of the men I have dated have had that same complaint and they only knew me was Jane."

Jane looked up and misread Maura's discomfort. "Don't worry Maura. I didn't tell you that expecting anything to change. We are still best friends and nothing in this world is going to take that from us. I know it wasn't what you were expecting, but please don't pull away. We have come too far tonight. You mean too much for me to lose."

"I am not going anywhere. I am right here, next to you. This is my place as your best friend, and this is where I will always be." Tonight was not the time to discuss a change in relationship status. "I am going to need a few hours to wrap my head around everything else before I can even address that topic on my own, let alone discuss it with you." They both took a sip of wine. It wasn't an outright lie, so Maura didn't get hives; she just may have misled Jane slightly as she was already aware of her feelings on the subject. Tonight was not the night to broach those feelings.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you all for the continued support. The sheer number of messages, reviews, favorites, and follows is more than I could have ever hoped for. Kei-Survivor, you are awesome at keeping my grammar-ness in check. Vean, thank you for the discussions, they entertain me. I apologize to everyone who read the review left regarding Beta-ing. That is not the forum or place for such comments. I decided to actually write something for my profile, if you are interested, please look it over. Happy Reading.**


	6. Next of Kin

Jane and Maura sat in companionable silence for a few moments before they slipped easily into their earlier conversation. Maura went off on a few tangents, spouting random facts the topic brought to mind. She was considering censoring her conversation input when she reconciled with herself that Jane always enjoyed it when the doctor's eyes glazed over and the details endlessly flowed. The only difference she could discern was that when she caught herself throwing in random false facts as had become her habit recently, Jane would raise an eyebrow at her questioningly, which would cause the ME to laughingly retract said false statement.

Jane arched an eyebrow at Maura. "So what do you think, Miss Cosmo? Do I look and behave appropriately?"

Maura let out a heartfelt laugh. "Jane, I will never accuse you of behaving, no matter how you present yourself."

"Gee, Maur. Thanks" Jane deadpanned.

A grin was plastered on Maura's face, "I am here for you, Jane."

"Stop stalling your answer. You always have an opinion on how I present myself, what is your opinion now?"

"You make it sound like my opinions are as unwelcome as your mother's. If that is the case, I will try not to voice them." Maura stated with an obviously fake pout.

"You are nothing like my mother" Jane said while she laughed. "You have an opinion, but somehow it is almost always non-judgmental, though I have yet to figure out how that is. That is a topic for yet another day. Okay, seriously Maura, what is your opinion now? I want your input, though I reserve the right to disagree" she said with a wink.

Maura sobered and stood up, pulling Jane from the couch as well. Leading her by the hand, she led Jane back to the vanity. "Sit."

Jane did as she was told without argument.

Maura went into the adjoining bathroom where she quietly looked through the drawers until she found a washcloth. She dampened it with warm water and brought it along with a dry one and face cleanser to the vanity. Turning Jane to face her, she paused for a moment to look into her eyes.

Maura began to meticulously remove the professional grade cover up from Jane's face, neck, chest, and hands without a word spoken between them. After gently patting Jane's face dry, Maura crouched down so they were eye level and rested her hands lightly on Jane's legs.

"Don't hide these from me. You wouldn't be the Jane I know and love if you didn't have these" she gestured to Jane's scar covered hands.

"And I don't know why you kept your face covered. Sure, you are pretty with a lighter complexion that matches the wig you chose, but like this, Jane," Maura gestured toward her face and swallowed. "Like this you are stunning. I wish you could see yourself how I see you. You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid my eyes upon."

A few moments passed. Jane blushed and nodded slightly. "I won't hide from you anymore" she whispered hoarsely.

Maura patted her leg and rose. "Now" she grinned mischievously, "I am going to check out your wardrobe, Jordan." Maura wiggled her eyebrows comically as she entered the walk-in closet and turned on the light. "Oooohhhh, I think I am going to have to go shopping with Jordan. She has good taste. Out with the Jane, in with the Jordan while shopping, I say." Maura looked back at waggled her eyebrows at Jane.

The detective's good humor returned. "Jordan would never go shopping with you. She has good taste all on her own. Jane, on the other hand, is in desperate need of some help. Why do you think she lets you go with her and tell her what to purchase?" Jane stood up and approached the walk in, leaning against the closet door frame with a smile to watch as Maura inspected the contents.

"Because she likes it when I tell her what to do" Maura answered without missing a beat. Jane just shook her head.

Maura was smiling as she inspected every piece of clothing. There really weren't many items because Jane spent most of her time as Jane, nevertheless, the pieces she did find in the closet were of high quality and well chosen. The most startling realization, though, was that they were distinctly feminine. Maura filed this observation for discussion later to be had in conjunction with another one she wanted to have regarding femininity and Jordan's taste in women. She decided that conversation would be best to have after she informed Jane of her feelings and they (hopefully) acted upon them.

Being in the closet reminded Maura of the safe that brought them to this apartment in the first place. "Do you have a safe here as well?"

Jane nodded and pointed to the floor of the far corner. Maura didn't even hesitate to ask the combination as she entered the numbers and opened the safe. The items she found mirrored those of Jane's with the addition of a sheet of paper lying on top of the manila envelope. Maura retrieved the letter with her name on it, looked up at Jane who simply nodded, and pocketed that one as well. She then retrieved the sheet of paper on top. The hand writing was decidedly "girly" was written in neat cursive, a complete contrast to Jane's barely legible scrawl.

"You must have an amazing pen for this not to smudge when you wrote it in all your left handed cursive writing awkwardness."

"Jordan is right handed."

Maura's head whipped around. "Are you serious? You are ambidextrous as well?"

"Well, in fairness, Jordan has never played any type of sport, so while I can write and eat right handed, I have never tried to throw, catch, or swing a bat with a right hand dominate stance. I am able to fight right-handed in Muay Thai, though the ability to use both sides equally tends to be expected in Martial Arts.

I didn't learn to write with my right hand until I was 16 and broke my left wrist playing beach volleyball. I decided to learn to write as neatly as possible with my right hand. Unfortunately it didn't prove to be as big a challenge as I thought it would because of my hand eye coordination. It was a short lived distraction to my ever present boredom."

Maura was watching Jane with her head tilted slightly. "What is that look Maur? You are kind of freaking me out."

"I never realized until just now, but I have never known anyone to share the absolute boredom that can plague me due to not being mentally challenged. I don't even have to ask you to verify my theory. You are the first person to express the very sentiment I feel when my brain is idle and doesn't wish to be. I venture to say that you even participate in meditation activities because you need them as much as I do to shut off your mind."

Jane's eyes sparkled. "You meditate, I physically exert my body. But yes, I get you, Maura Isles. I completely get you. I always have. I find my serenity through over exertion, you find yours through stillness and we both seek it for the same reason."

Maura returned her attention to the short letter.

 _My name is Detective Jane Rizzoli. This is a second identity I use for research purposes. My next of kin are Dr. Maura Isles and Angela Rizzoli. The manila envelope and letter are for Dr. Isles._

 _Regards,_

 _Jordan Randolph_

Maura's and Angela's home and work addresses and all their phone numbers were written on the bottom.

Maura returned her gaze to Jane. "I am still your contact when you are Jordan? How is that so?"

Jane knelt down in front of Maura. "I don't think you get it Maura. You are the most important person in my life. Never question that."

Maura felt a tear run down her cheek. She nodded and cleared her throat. "Help me up, please."

Jane stood to full height and pulled Maura up by her hand. She returned the letter to the top of the manila envelope and for the second time that night secured the safe and led Maura by the hand retreating through an apartment, extinguishing lights as she went. Dropping the doctor's hand, Jane retrieved and placed the wine glasses in the sink. She washed and dried them quickly, returning them to their spot on the ceiling rack.

"Did you like the wine, Maur?"

"Yes, it was very good, Jane."

Jane nodded and placed a vacuum cork in the bottle and removed the air. Returning the sealing device to the drawer, she grabbed the bottle and Maura's hand once more. They walked to the front door where she placed Maura's hand on her waist band and then returned the apartment to darkness. Opening the front door, Jane waited for Maura to put her slippers on using the apartment building's hallway light. Jane followed behind Maura with her hand on her lower back, as she always did, and then secured the front door from the outside.

They silently made their way back to Jane's apartment. After they were inside, Jane secured this apartment's door, this time from the inside. "I know you have a lot more questions; I can see the hamster wheel turning. I also know you are beyond tired. Your question quota hasn't been reached as of this moment. Let's call it a night. We will go to bed so you can rest up for your autopsies.

I did the unprecedented and took a week off. I need to re-center myself or I will be completely useless. Whenever you are done and want to resume this conversation, I will make myself available. Does that sound like a suitable agreement?"

Maura thought for a moment, "How about I counter with one of my own. You said the perpetrators are in jail. Is there already enough evidence to convict them?"

"Most definitely."

"Well, then I say it is time for Dr. Pike to earn his pay. Would you be agreeable to me joining you in your impromptu week-long sabbatical?"

Jane tapped the now two letters in Maura's pocket.

"I will make a call and then we can retire for the evening. We will sleep as long as we like tomorrow and then burn those bridges as we cross them."

"How about we cross those bridges as we come to them, Maur?"

She chuckled quietly, "Yes we can do that as well."

They both conducted their nightly routines and snuggled up close to one another under the blankets on Jane's bed as they had done so many nights before.

"Good night, Jane."

"Good night, Maura. Sleep well."


	7. It's the Cheesiest

The next morning found Maura's eyes slowly opening to a darkened room. She wasn't fooled by the darkened state of the bedroom, however; she could see the bright midday sunlight peeking out from under the blackout curtains Jane had resorted to using in her bedroom. Jane was pressed up behind her and they were sleeping back to back as they often did.

Groaning quietly, Maura rolled onto her back, stretching her arms over her head as she pointed her toes simultaneously. The contraction of muscles felt lovely to her sore body. Maura questioned her body's achiness and exhaustion, but then quickly surmised that it came from all the emotions last night had brought on. She imagined Jane would feel the effects tenfold given that she had been carrying the secrets for so long.

The real question was what it was about this case. The doctor understood that it was a young child, but Jane had been affected more by this than any other case they had worked in a long time. That was most assuredly going to be one of her questions today.

As Maura lay on her back with her hands resting lightly on her stomach she named every sore muscle she could identify in her body. She decided this would be a two Spa Day week. Maura smirked to herself. One day would be just for her and another day she would drag a certain brunette along with her, no matter how much she whined.

Jane softly groaned herself and rolled over onto her back. Maura watched out of the peripheral of her vision as the detective stretched in a very similar manner to the way she had just done herself. The difference though was that in her mind Jane looked like a panther when she stretched and the dampness in her panties attested to that observation.

After her stretch, Jane turned onto her side, pulled her knees up slightly and rested her head on her arm and hand, now facing the blond. "Good morning. I trust you slept well last night."

Maura yawned her answer. "Yes, I most certainly did."

Her mind drifting, she began to plan what she would wear today. That caused her to think about what she was wearing now. What she was wearing at the moment (Jane's version of pajamas) brought her mind to the first moment she saw Jane in that silk nightgown. In a rush to distract herself from that death trap she realized how the dichotomy had changed between them. Here she was wearing tattered workout clothes not suitable for cleaning the house, and Jane was wearing appropriate night clothes with a matching robe! Maura couldn't help but snigger to herself at the role reversal.

"Care to share what has amused you so, Dr. Isles?"

"I was just lamenting on the current state of our clothing. It is rather amusing to me that while I am wearing something I wouldn't clean the house in; you are wearing a very lovely and appropriate sleeping garment. With a matching robe!" Maura had no idea why the matching robe tickled her the way it did, but she allowed herself a full belly laugh as Jane guffawed beside her.

"That's it, lady. Get your butt out of my bed. For the insult to the clothing I so generously loaned you, you are going to assist me making breakfast. Together!"

Maura squealed as Jane chased her out of bed threatening to tickle her into submission. "I really don't understand your obsession with cooking something as simple as breakfast with another person, Jane" she said laughing. "It is much more efficient for one person to just cook and the other to make the coffee and retrieve the paper."

"I don't want efficient, Maura, I want to spend time with you."

"Oh." Maura's playfulness sobered for a moment. "Well, when you put it like that, how could a girl say no?"

"You made it too easy, sucker, I was willing to barter." Jane approached Maura faking no interest in continuing the tickle attack.

Maura anticipated Jane's move, though, and wrapped her up in a hug when the brunette launched her attack, pinning Jane's hands to her sides. Jane threw her head back laughing at her friend. "That was awesome Maura. I am impressed with your timing. You are learning well, grasshopper."

"Well I don't know if I want to be referred to as an insect, but I would like to request a reward." Maura relaxed her grip enough for Jane to remove her arms, which she promptly wrapped around Maura.

"And what reward might that be?"

"When we are alone I would like you to spend time with me as you, like we did at the end of the evening last night. I want to get to know who you really are and want to be."

Jane's laugh took Maura a little by surprise. "I take it that is a no?" she pouted.

"Absolutely not, Maur. As I told you last night, I have been doing this long enough that I didn't just simply slip up yesterday. I am ready for you to know everything about me. That decision had already been made when I led you over to her apartment. I was just going to do it more gradually to let you adjust. All you did last night by requesting it was move up the time line."

Jane gave Maura one last squeeze and then released her. "Now come on. Let's both use the facilities and wash up so we can make breakfast. Together."

"You are kind of cheesy sometimes, Jane Rizzoli. Do you know that?"

"Well you are the one who is friends with me, so does that make you a cheeseball?"

Maura laughed and shook her head. "Well, I've never!" she said with mock exasperation.

"Maybe you should!" Jane retorted quickly. She walked down the hall to the guest bathroom so Maura could use hers. As Maura went in to use the restroom, she couldn't help but chuckle at the voice as it faded from down the hall. "Cheese doodle. Cheez It. Cheese dog. Cheese fries…"

Maura whispered to herself "I do love me some cheese" with an enormous grin on her face.

A few minutes later found them side by side in the kitchen. Jane had cleaned up and actually changed into a faded grey BPD shirt and pajama bottoms and Maura had changed into a pair of jeans she had left at the apartment and one of Jane's black spaghetti strap tank tops, sans bra.

Jane opened the fridge and retrieved bacon, a block of shredded cheese, an onion, and the eggs. "Maur, would you grab my large skillet, the grater, and some potatoes from the pantry, please?"

"I agreed to make breakfast with you, Jane. Not help you elevate your low density lipids."

Jane placed the items on the counter and faced her friend. "I understand the risks of eating foods high in cholesterol and fat. Most of the time I have no problem agreeing to eat more appropriately at your request, today, however, I am going to eat what I want. Yesterday was highly emotional and physically and mentally exhausting for me. I took time off work without being told to, not just from the BPD, but also from the University. Though the foods aren't ideal to consume for every meal, enjoying them occasionally will have no major negative health affects over my life span. Furthermore, they make me happy which reduces my stress and cortisol levels, and as we both know if I am to die of a myocardial infarction it would most likely be stress induced anyway. Now, can we please make some comfort food together? I am happy right now and I really want to stay that way for a while."

Maura looked at Jane in stunned silence for a few heartbeats. Then she burst out laughing. A few seconds later and Jane was laughing along with her. "Is that what you really mean all those times you tell me to just 'lay off'?" Maura asked with her eyes twinkling in mirth.

"Not necessarily, I usually don't have as sound a reason as I do today, that is why I tend to acquiesce to your demands."

They continued their banter while returning to the task of making breakfast, together.

"Oh, throwing out the SAT words now are we? I see how it is."

Jane's jaw dropped, "Did you just tease me for my vocabulary choice? I. Am. Shocked." Jane gave an exaggerated sniffle and let her lower lip tremble excessively, "You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me deep."

Maura slapped her arm, "You aren't irrevocably damaged. It is extremely unfair that not only do you understand me intellectually, but you are also privy to these pop culture references as well." Maura pouted.

"I have a simple solution for that."

Maura cut her eyes at Jane, "Oh you do, do you now?"

Jane looked up at her and laughed "Yup. It's actually quite simple. Don't scoff at all my movie choices. I can give you a movie-cation like you have never experienced."

"Being as I think you just made up that word, I can assure you I have never experienced one. And quite frankly I have no interest it one. That is why I keep you around."

"Happy to hear I am of use." Jane quipped.

"Please tell me how a woman as educated as yourself uses words like movie-cation."

"Aaaannnnndddd another reason why I was so hesitant to tell you" Jane said theatrically.

Maura acted indignant. "I just don't understand why a person as well educated as you would choose to make up words and bother with such drivel" she sniffed.

Jane burst out laughing at the doctor's antics. "More so," Maura laughed "I don't know whether to be more afraid that I understand more and more of your sarcasm or that I am using it myself. You, Jane Rizzoli, are a bad influence."

"Aw, shucks, Maur. You don't have to get all gushy on me. It's getting a little thick in here."

Maura looked at Jane confused. "What is getting thick, Jane?"

"And we are back, folks! The shit, Maura, the shit is getting thick in here. Before you say it, I know how you feel about cursing and intelligence, but I have my own opinion on that as well. We can save that for another breakfast, huh?"

Maura rolled her eyes, "If you insist."

Maura turned her attention to Jane as she spread out the eggs for the omelets and watched in fascination as to what Jane was making for 'comfort food'. Shredded sharp cheddar cheese went down first, followed by cooked diced up bacon. Next she put some hash browns and tomatoes on top and a little dollop of sour cream. She then expertly rolled up the omelet and placed it on a plate. Piling more homemade hash browns on the plate along with the sautéed onions, she placed small amounts of all the toppings on top of the omelet. She then handed the plate to Maura and proceeded to make a plate for herself the same way.

They sat at the counter, eating their unhealthy breakfast, drinking orange juice, and talking and carrying on like they did while making breakfast. They had nowhere to be and no one was looking for them. Maura couldn't recall being so at ease, so, happy.

* * *

 **A/N Once again, a big thank you to Kei for Beta'ing awesomeness. This was a fluffy chapter before getting into the conclusion of the chapter; let the girls reconnect a little bit. This story will remain T, however, I have a short one shot I am working on that is nothing but M and my next story will be M as well. I have the next two chapters written and will commence work on the final chapter post haste. Thank you for your continued support! Ya'll have been too kind.**


	8. I Went Sky Diving

After eating breakfast and cleaning up together, Jane and Maura returned to the couch.

"Does your mom know about Jordan?" Maura asked.

"No, there are only two other people who know that Jane Rizzoli and Jordan Randolph are one and the same" Jane's eyes got misty and she cleared her throat. "Actually, now there is only one other person."

"I am going to deduce that Dr. Terrance Thomas is that person." Maura paused as she thought for a moment, "and the way you said that last part leads me to believe the other person passed away. Was Barry the other person?"

Jane shook her head and waited for Maura to piece it together. "The only other person who we have worked with that has passed away recently was…. Susie! You told Susie but you didn't tell me?!" Once again Maura was hurt by the fact that Jane had entrusted someone else over her. Even though she kept telling her how important she was, her actions could be construed to indicate otherwise.

"Maur. Maura. Maura!" Maura looked up at her name being called so harshly. "I didn't tell her, Maura, she figured it out. And before you go down that rabbit hole of how she figured it out and you didn't, allow me to explain it." How did Jane know that was where she was going?

Jane waited until Maura was looking in her eyes. "Shortly after we all started working together Susie decided to take a 6 week workshop at BCU on 'Law enforcement Public Relations'." Jane held up a hand, "horrendous title, I know. It was a workshop designed to help law enforcement interactions with civilians to get the most information possible. Jordan designed it and it was administered by several different instructors. I wanted to see how well the material was being received and if it was useful, so I decided to be the instructor for one of the workshops. Murphy seems to have it in for me, so imagine my surprise when Susie walks through the door."

Jane shook her head laughing. "It took her 3 weeks to work up the nerve to approach me. I met with her after class and explained the entire situation. She agreed to keep my identity to herself in exchange for one night a month in which we went to dinner and she could pick my brain. To be honest I think she would have agreed to keep it to herself no matter what and I would have given her even more time." Jane sighed at the memory of their friend. "I came to enjoy those dinners almost as much as I enjoyed spending time with you." She held up a finger. "Almost."

After a few moments pause of shared remembrance, Jane continued on. "Truth be told, hanging out with her was what inspired me to finally tell you. Usually as Jordan I am very serious. I associate humor with Jane and it is one of the ways I separate my personas. With Susie I would get to act as Jane, even though I was dressed as Jordan. It was a nice experience and I will treasure it always. I couldn't tell you this then and I hope you will understand I mean no ill will, but I am glad you weren't able to go sky diving with her. That picture you saw on the refrigerator at her house was taken by me. Now that you know that we had a friendship, I can tell you that I know for a fact you were unequivocally her hero. That woman loved you, and there was no question, no question at all in her mind that you loved her as well."

Maura was crying silently and she had tears running down her face as she took in everything Jane said. So many emotions were rolling through her she didn't know which one to grasp on to. Longing for her friend, happiness that she had Jane in her life as a friend, regret that she would never get to sit at a dinner table with the two of them and have a conversation, peace that Susie knew how she felt about her, and the most disturbing, jealously. She was jealous of their relationship because she wanted that very relationship with both of them. She could never have it with Susie now, but she could damn sure have it with Jane.

Jane reached over and pulled Maura in for a hug. After a few moments she released her. Instead of retreating to the other side of the couch, Maura curled into Jane's side. Jane leaned back and put her feet on the coffee table and wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulders, pulling her in snugly. They sat silently for a minutes silently reminiscing over their friend.

The ME was the first to break the quiet in a tentative voice. "Would you be opposed to going to dinner with me once a month and discussing whatever it is you and Susie talked about?"

Jane rested her chin on Maura's head for a moment. "I think I would like that very much. Susie was a great person to bounce ideas off of; she already knew all the details and she knew that I was a detective as well. Being able to discuss ideas as they came to me and not have to wait until I was the appropriate person really freed up some time." Jane smirked, "And as helpful as it was to discuss things with Susie, discussing them with you will be even more so."

Maura was surprised. "Really? You think I could help you as much as she could?"

"Is that a rhetorical question, Maur? Of course you can! Susie will always hold a special place for being a kick in the ass to figure out some things, but there is something that you have that she never did."

"What is that, Jane?"

"She never knew me the way you do. You can look at my facial expressions, listen to the tone in my voice, or simply look in my eyes and know what I am thinking. You know when to push me, when to call me on my bullshit, and most importantly, when to leave well enough alone. You know me better than anyone else in this entire world. How could I logically benefit more from a conversation with anyone else more than you?"

Maura took a few seconds to look over every angle. She didn't have a single argument to refute Jane's claim. She snuggled closer into Jane's side. "You couldn't."

"By George, I think she's got it" Jane said softly.

"My Fair Lady?"

Jane chuckled. "You got one! It came out in 1965, though, so I'll only give you half a point."

"I'll take whatever you give me, Jane." Maura stated seriously.

Jane swallowed and looked up at the ceiling.

"How does your family not realize that, barring a serious injury or illness, you are still as intelligent now as you were when you were little?"

"I was the reason that 5 people had to uproot their entire household and move to a strange town in a strange city. It wasn't like everyone was super excited about it to begin with. Frankie and Tommy were young enough that they were able to re-establish themselves and make new friends. They resented me, but it was for an entirely different reason."

"Was it because your parents were giving you all the attention?"

"No. Surprisingly, the reason they were so upset about it had nothing to do with anything I had actually done. Ma has always been supportive of all 3 of us. She loved to tell everyone how smart I was and what I could accomplish. After the incident occurred at school and they decided to move, Pop decreed that I wasn't to let anyone else know how smart I was. Ma was so angry she was beside herself, but she supported him at least in front of the three of us. We would lie awake at night and listen to them bicker over me and the entire situation. For a couple years it became a very sore subject that we all just ignored like the good Rizzoli's we are."

"So your brothers blamed you for them fighting? That hardly seems fair."

"They were 8 and 7, Maura, how much maturity do you really expect?"

"I can see your point, but surely they don't resent you now?"

"I wouldn't know. None of us have spoken about it since we stepped foot in this state. I did what was asked of me and I did it well, wouldn't you agree?"

"Is that why you get overly nervous anytime you receive praise or an award?"

"It may be. It was engrained into me early on that I could excel at sports, but not academically. I completely recreated myself. Truth be told, I am even uncomfortable receiving praise as Jordan, even though she is expected to be highly intelligent."

"Do you genuinely enjoy sports, watching or participating?"

"Yes, I absolutely do. We touched on this last night, but I truly use physical exertion as a way to quiet my mind. It is the only thing that works for me. Watching sports, on the other hand, appeals to me intellectually."

Maura was shocked by this. "How so?"

"Let's use baseball as an example. Baseball is nothing but statistics and what are stats, Maura? Numbers. And numbers are math. Therefore baseball equals math. ERA, Hitting percentage, RBIs, Wins, Losses. Hell, even the player's positions are delineated by numbers."

"I have never thought of it that way. What I don't understand though, is if you spend all your free academic time studying numbers, Jane, then how is it that you still seem to know as much as I do about things?"

"Actually, Maur, I don't know nearly as much as you do. I just have enough base knowledge that I can quickly pick up on what you are saying. Think of it as the difference between you explaining blood spatter patterns to Ma, Frankie, or Susie. All 3 have the intellect to be able to understand the meaning, but a conversation with the three of them would be decidedly different. Now insert me into the equation. If you were to explain things to me as you would yourself prior to gaining that certification, then that would be the most efficient way to do so."

Maura pondered that for a moment. "Would you say that you know a little about a lot of different subjects, where as I tend to know a lot about fewer subjects?"

"That works for me, though your definition of a lot is most people's definition of an expert."

Maura laughed, "You flatter me."

Jane patted Maura's leg. "This conversation is getting way too serious. Cooking and eating breakfast this morning with you was the happiest and most at ease I have been in a long time. Would it be ok with you if we get back to that for a little while? We can resume the serious discussions later, but I don't want to ruin the peace I have found today with you."

Maura's grin could have split her face. "I agree, this morning was the happiest I have been in a long time as well, Jane. I am agreeable with recapturing that for the rest of the afternoon and evening."

"How about we cook tonight? I don't really plan to leave the house much this week, but I need to go to the market. Would you like to go grocery shopping with me? We can then come home and hang out, cook dinner, together, and then you can go home and read those letters?"

"That sounds perfect, Jane. Am I permitted to return tomorrow?"

"You know you are always welcome here, but I don't think you should make any commitments until you read those letters. I suspect you are going to need a few days apart to process them before you return. You know where to find me when you have processed, though I would like to ask you to at least come by and talk to me once before we go to work."

Maura was watching Jane closely. "I assure you Jane, there is nothing I can think of that you could say that would make me not want to spend this week with you."

"I am sure you haven't thought of this, Maura."

"Oh Jane, I think you'd be surprised."


	9. Tear Stained Paper

Later that evening, Maura found herself sitting at her kitchen table looking at her name written on two different envelopes with two very different writing styles.

The rest of their day had been just how Jane and she discussed. They had enjoyed one another's company immensely and the earlier atmosphere had returned fairly quickly. It all culminated with a simple dinner they cooked together early in the evening. Maura had made it home by 6. Shortly after arriving at home, Maura had started a fire in the fireplace and poured herself a glass of wine from the bottle she had enjoyed the evening before, and she now found herself sitting at her table and examining the two letters.

She tried to consider what information the contents might garner. The letter must hold information about the Academic Identity and the location of all things she would need to act as executer of Jane's estate. It also held at least one piece of information Jane was timid for Maura to possess. The detective might have thought she was being vague, but Maura was almost certain as to the nature of this particular welcome confession.

The ME studied the note with the neat cursive name written on it more closely. When Maura interacted with Jane in Jordan's persona, she was expecting more Jane. The reality couldn't have been farther from the truth and had been quite disappointing. While the professor was someone Maura would welcome conversing with in any other situation, she had found Jordan held very little of her interest. Sure she was interested to see how Jane presented herself, but the lack of familiarity and intimacy between them had left the doctor extremely frustrated with the perception of Jane being just beyond her reach. There was no question in her mind, Maura preferred Jane to Jordan.

Once Jane agreed to show Maura how she saw herself, the doctor had been relieved to discover that Jane was most comfortable as Jane. In fact, the only discernible difference Maura observed was the fact that Jane was a little more logical and while she didn't mind Maura's google-mouth, Jane didn't like it when Maura abridged things as had become the doctor's habit to do whenever she spoke to anyone. A couple times Maura had found herself simplifying terminology or saying the same thing repeatedly in different ways, only to be reproached by a raised eyebrow from Jane. Maura pondered if their newly scheduled monthly dinner would garner similar conversation or be more intellectual. If she were honest with herself, she was hoping for the latter.

Returning her attention to the letters, Maura opted to open the one found in Jordan's safe first. The note was written on stationary and the handwriting was the same cursive as her name on the envelope.

* * *

 _Maura,_

 _I do not know how much information you have at this moment but at the very least you are aware that I am Jordan Randolph. If you are reading this, I have failed at the most important thing in my life: being someone you can count on without fail. My fear has kept me from telling the only person whose opinion matters to me all that I am and my cowardice prevented me from revealing myself to the most important person in my life… you._

 _Maura, the fact that I was unable to explain things is my own shortcoming, and in no way yours. The hesitation was never a question of your acceptance and love of me. The simple truth of the matter is I was protecting myself from bearing witness to the disappointment on your face put there at the discovery of my friendship long deception._

 _My intention is to tell you this in person, despite my reservations. This letter was written as a last resort, in the event I am unable to do what I have set out to do many times and failed before I pass away._

 _Maura you are the kindest most giving person I have ever met, but that isn't why I love you. I love you because you have a strength many are unaware of that is greater than mere mortals like me can fathom. Your capacity to love without question awes me daily._

 _Once you started confiding in me how isolated you felt from friends and family, I took it on myself to show you unconditional love. I failed to uphold that promise and that makes me worse than everyone in your past because I knew, I knew how wondrous you are and I was still unable to give you what you deserve the most, a true friend. In the end, my actions have been nothing but self-serving and once again you must pay the price of the aftermath of someone whom you trusted completely betraying you and leaving you alone. That act, or lack of to be precise, makes me viler then everyone else you have encountered combined. You entrusted me and I failed to keep my word, the one person who you should never have cause to doubt._

 _I have a final request for you. Allow yourself to be angry with me, disappointed that I let you down, frustrated with my cowardice, and curse my name. It isn't selfish to have expected me to be open and honest with you about everything and you should never have had cause to question my loyalty to you, yet that is exactly what I have left you pondering. It breaks my heart to take advantage of your kindheartedness one last time and though I don't deserve it, please grant me forgiveness for how I left things with you. Knowing you will eventually forgive me will allow me to find my peace._

 _I will love you always,_

 _Jordan Randolph (Jane)_

* * *

Maura sat there staring at the letter for a few minutes, tears coursing down her face. Jane's overwhelming guilt had caught her off guard. Yes, she felt as if she was missing a large part of her friend's life and for that she was upset and disappointed, but she never was disappointed in Jane. Logically, everything the brunette had said and done had made perfect sense.

Her heart was heavy not because she felt betrayed, but because Jane had been through so much turmoil trying to tell her. She had been correct last night; Jane had kept it hidden for so long there was no way it was a coincidence that she slipped up. Jane had told Maura and for that the doctor was grateful that the detective was able to face her fears.

Maura sipped the rest of the wine while she stared at the fire and digested the information of the previous letter. Jane's estimation that she was strong was another thing she had never expected to hear. She didn't think of herself as particularly resilient, but reading her friends words, she began to see herself in a little different light. She was tougher than most people often gave her credit for, including herself. Why did it take a letter such as this to bring that to her attention? Determined to live up to Jane's expectations of her, Maura promised herself that Jane would know how she truly felt about her by the end of the week, no matter what the next letter said. If the detective could muster the courage to come clean, then Maura would leave no doubt in Jane's mind as to where and with whom her heart truly lies.

Maura moved to the couch near the fire to read the second letter. It appeared longer and the plain lined paper was littered with tear stains and ink smudges. There was no doubt in Maura's mind that this letter would bring her to her knees. Taking a deep breath, she began reading.

* * *

 _Maura,_

 _Since we became friends I never doubted that you would survive me as I would give you my very breath so that I wouldn't have to live without you. As I am unaware of the circumstances of my death, I can only hold on to hope that I have conducted myself in a manner that brings honor to you, my family, and myself._

 _If I died in the line of duty, I died doing what I loved. To this day I would answer you the same way I did after I jumped off the bridge. I cannot think about the possibility that I might pass away or what I would leave behind when I am going about my job. The moment I do, I lose focus, and we both know losing focus is the number one cause of death in police officers. That doesn't now, nor has it ever meant, that you and my family are not the most important thing in my life._

 _If the cause is anything else, well it was my time. I don't necessarily believe in fate, but I do believe in not living in the shadow of 'what ifs'. I am certain I did not give up without a fight and I can say without a doubt my last thought was of you._

 _Now the hard part. There is a key in this safe that belongs to apartment 7 in this very building. That condo belongs to me as well. Actually, it is owned by Jordan Randolph (you may have heard of her) and I just so happen to be Jordan Randolph. I won't get into the specifics here, but suffice it to say, I am more intelligent than I let on and Jordan was a means to accomplish a few goals._

 _I have kept a daily diary in a composition notebook since I was 8. You can find my current one in between my mattress and box spring on your side of the bed. All my old ones are in chronological order in the spare bedroom of Jordan's apartment. In that room you will also find volumes of observations I have recorded for the research I publish as Jordan._

 _Any current papers I am working on are saved on the laptop in that room. The password is a particular species of reptile; I trust you know which one. Oh, and just so you aren't caught unawares, I did save every one of the emails we have exchanged for consultation purposes. I found that I enjoyed conversing with you as an equal and I couldn't help but save them to revisit later. I do regret not telling you before this as I would have really enjoyed those conversations in person._

 _The safety deposit key is to a box at my bank. Your name is already on the box as well as all my bank and retirement accounts. My will doesn't delineate the funds with the exception of using my retirement fund to set up a college fund for TJ. If he doesn't use it, the funds will be available to him for use at 25. You are the executer of his account and have discretionary authority. Don't let my family push you to do anything you don't want to; I chose you over them because I value your opinion over everyone else's._

 _The safety box contains a necklace and bracelet given to me by my Nonna. It was a gift to be handed down to my children, which I will never have now. Please give it to yours and tell them a few things about me. Our friendship was always my one of my greatest accomplishments. There are some other odds and ends in the box. Most of it was passed down. Everything is labelled and has its story with it._

 _My last item of business. If I really was the coward I fear myself to be and did not share Jordan with you, then I also did not share the most important revelation of my life with you. I would not tell you this until you knew about Jordan, as I would never tell you this unless I was all in. With you it can never be most, it has to be everything or nothing._

 _I, Jane Clementine Rizzoli, have been in love with you, Maura Dorthea Isles, since the incident with Hoyt in the hospital. Once I realized even a sociopath who cannot feel love can see something I have been blind to, it just kind of made sense. You are the sole proprietor of my heart, and now you will always have it because I no longer have a use for it. Allow it to fortify you when you are at your lowest and carry it with you always knowing that I will never truly leave you._

 _I won't apologize for telling you how feel, though I do wish I would have had the gumption to do it in person. I know you love me in your own way, and that sustains me, no matter what the world throws my direction. I hope this knowledge brings you some peace. You now have all of me, though you are the only one to have as much as you had while I was alive. I entrust you with my heart._

 _There is so much more I can say, yet nothing more to write. This letter will get you started. Everything else is in my diaries._

 _I love you always,_

 _Jane_

* * *

Maura re read each letter several times. She stayed up late into the night looking at the fire and contemplating the revelations of the last two days. When she finally extinguished the flames and crawled into bed in the wee hours of the morning, she was still working through her muddled thoughts.

* * *

 **A/N I hope you enjoyed the letters. Please leave a comment or PM if there is anything you are concerned with getting wrapped up in the final chapter. I really like this universe and will write another story as the muse strikes. If you have an idea for a plot line you want to see, let me know and I will see what I can do. I am no stranger to customer service.**


	10. Late Night Phone Calls

Despite going to bed so late the night before, Maura was unable to sleep in the next day. While sleep had come swiftly and was restful, it was briefer than she intended it to be.

The next morning when she awoke before the sun, Maura took a quick shower, dressed in yoga pants and a loose sweatshirt, and headed down to make herself some tea and sit outside to enjoy the early morning.

Invigorated by the night's sleep, nevertheless still uncertain as to what she was feeling, she tried to focus on anything she knew for certain. Two thoughts immediately came to mind. She did not want to see Jane until she reconciled the last two days revelations in her mind and she was going to see Jane today. With the goal determined to be seeing the detective that day, the doctor set about accomplishing the prerequisite task.

After finishing her tea, Maura went inside, took care of her small mess and headed straight for her yoga room to meditate for an hour. At the conclusion of her meditation, Maura prepared herself a hot bath. Slipping into the lavender scented water; she leaned back and began to process.

It had been an exhausting two days for both her and Jane, leaving her little time to process and all her thoughts and emotions were jumbled. In the privacy of her bathroom she permitted herself a very un-lady-like snort. Anyone would find themselves in a similar state of mind in this given situation. Maura was thankful Jane had made the decision to send the doctor home. Honestly, they both needed a short reprieve in emotional discussions.

After quieting her mind and relaxing her body, the blond decided to take each issue as they came to her one at a time, ascertaining that the items that were most important to her consciously and subconsciously would come to her first and tapering off with the less important items as she went.

The first thing she thought of was the revelation that Jane had been withholding things from her, namely her intelligence and the existence of Jordan Randolph. Logically this completely made sense to Maura that she would hide the fact that she basically had a second identity. The fact that she continued to hide it was also relatively easy to understand given the situation. Maura's struggle with this wasn't logic based and that was abnormal for her. She knew Jane's decision made the most sense and given a similar scenario, one she herself would most likely employ. So she began to look at it from an emotional point of view.

Despite Jane's letter, the doctor didn't actually feel that she had been betrayed. True she was hurt by the fact that Jane hadn't revealed all, however being honest with herself this situation was always going to require Jane time to come to grips and come clean all on her own. It would never work any other way.

The doctor began to wonder as to her approachability to Jane. That argument didn't hold water very long either. Since they had become friends, Jane had always shown a side of herself to Maura that she didn't allow anyone else to see. Namely, when it was just the two of them, Jane allowed herself to be vulnerable, whether emotionally or physically. Throughout the last two days and in the two letters themselves, Jane had never wavered from informing Maura that she was the most important person in her life. The topic had come up several times and there wasn't a single time Jane had balked on that declaration. Maura had no choice but to believe it, lest she never believe a thing Jane had ever told her.

Maura concluded that Jane had done the best she could with the given circumstances. She had already forgiven Jane and was excited to get to know every facet she had kept hidden.

The next item the doctor pondered was Jane's admission of love. This really wasn't a surprise to her after the many off handed comments that were made the last two days. Unsure as to if it was purposeful; she had noticed that Jane was making many a reference to the fact that she wanted more from their relationship. Maura was glad Jane had taken the plunge and permitted her to read the letters. She wasn't leaving Jane tomorrow until she told her of her own feelings. The letters had solidified her resolve and truth be told she was quite thankful that she was fortunate enough to know how Jane felt about her beforehand, despite the fact that Jane wasn't afforded that same luxury for revealing her own feelings. The doctor chalked this item up to one more for the goal column.

Why had Jane decided this case was important enough to be the catalyst to reveal everything? She had been skirting that question since the beginning of this. It was time to press that issue as well.

Jane's family and their lack of knowledge about Jordan was a very convoluted and personal matter for them all. Despite her comment, Maura did understand that the boys were too young to truly hold their grudge against them. Though unintentionally, Jane's actions did in fact disrupt an entire family. Maura respected the united front that Angela and Frank had presented however in the long run it had caused more pain than good.

The decision as to who knew about the existence of Jordan and Jane's "relation" to her wasn't Maura's to make. Now that she knew the truth, she would support Jane in whatever she decided with regards to who knew and who did not. The doctor promised herself to stay removed from that situation for as long as humanly possible, not even offering advice unless asked. She could be a sounding board and play devil's advocate, but she would make a cognizant effort to withhold her opinion, unless otherwise asked by Jane, to ensure the decision was truly the detective's. At the end of the day, neither conclusion really had any discernible effect other than more people would know the truth and as such was only truly relevant to Jane.

The revelation regarding Susie had hurt; Maura wasn't going to mislead herself. But it made sense; Susie was an intelligent, observant woman. Of course she would pick up on Jordan being Jane. Though she made an effort to change them when she was Jordan, fundamentally they were the same and that was easy to spot for the ME and Senior Criminalist.

Cops often scoffed at coincidence and Jane had effectively managed to convert the doctor to a similar way of thinking. Maura couldn't help but wander as to what kind of providence was it that brought the two people she felt closest to together to share something she wasn't privy to at the time? The entire situation was bittersweet as it brought her comfort she would have not been afforded otherwise and sadness that she would never be fortuitous to observe the two's interactions. The ME had an untestable hypothesis that Susie was drawn to Jordan more than Jane, the very opposite of the criminalist's boss.

Maura allowed herself to feel a twinge of longing to be included. After all, she concluded, she could modify how she presented her emotional state to others; however she could never fool herself. She permitted herself to feel and accept the emotion and then move on. Her exclusion was never intentional or cruel; it was simply a by-product of the situation. The doctor knew, without a moment's pause, that neither party would hurt her intentionally and that they both loved her dearly. It was the only solace she needed.

After a few moments of quieting her mind once more, Maura searched herself for anything else she felt was unresolved with regards to the last two days. Deciding nothing more was weighing on her, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to lightly drift off, the tub's jets keeping the water warm and the doctor content and happy.

* * *

A few hours later Maura was dressed in jeans, a simple white oxford shirt, a light jacket, and boots with a 3 inch heel. After she accomplished her goal of understanding what she was feeling, she had permitted herself to dress for the day and commence her visit with Jane. She now found herself standing before a door numbered 12 debating on going in like she normally did or knocking.

Maura set her jaw and reaffirmed her resolve that she would act as if nothing was different between them. When it was all said and done, they were still Jane and Maura, best friends for life, and that is what Maura wanted the most.

Walking into Jane's apartment, Maura was a little taken aback at how clean it was. Apparently the brunette had been scrubbing all day and the house held the lingering scent of cleaning products. The curtains were open, allowing the early afternoon light of early fall to light up the house naturally. A late season Sox game was on the television with the sound turned down uncharacteristically low. Maura peaked over the back of the couch at the vision of a dozing detective laying lengthways, a forgotten beer sitting on the well-worn coffee table without a coaster.

Setting her bag down on the floor, she slipped her shoes off and quietly walked to the front of the couch. Gently lifting Jane's head, Maura carefully sat down on the couch, resting the brunette's head on her lap. She began to stroke her hair gently, humming a soothing lullaby.

Jane straightened her arms and legs down stretching as she nuzzled into the doctor's lap. Without opening her eyes, she brought her arm up to lie over Maura's legs.

"I didn't expect to see you today, though I am in no way complaining."

Maura smiled. "I don't know why you didn't; I told you I would be here."

Jane yawned widely. "I trust you read the letters, then."

Maura tightened her fingers in the brunette tresses for a moment. "Is that even a question? We both were aware I was ready to read them 2 nights ago. I only held off because you asked me to." They were silent for a couple minutes. "To answer your inquiry, yes, I did in fact read them. Both of them."

Jane was playing with Maura's fingers on her free hand with the hand she had brought up earlier. "I know I told you yesterday I didn't want to leave the house too much, but that isn't quite the case. I just don't want to be around people. Would you care to go on a nice long walk with me? I know a few trails and no one will mess with us due to my extreme bad-assary."

Maura crinkled her face. "Bad-assary isn't a word, but I understand the point you are trying to convey. Yes, I would very much enjoy on going with you on a long walk. I trust my trail shoes are still here?" Maura moved to stand.

Jane pushed her head down into Maura's lap. "No rush, Maur. I am still waking up, yet. And of course they are still here, you have as many clothes and shoes in my closet as I do."

Maura relaxed back into the couch and resumed her ministrations in dark, beautiful hair. "It is almost as if we are platonically dating already, isn't it?"

Jane sucked in a breath of air and let it out slowly, chuckling. "It really kind of is, isn't it?" A few moments of comfortable silence and then a whisper, "But just so we are clear, I am not interested in anything platonic with you, though I will graciously accept that if it is all you have to give."

"Trust me, Jane, it isn't all I have or desire to give you." Maura didn't want this fear hanging over Jane's head any longer. "Jane, would you accompany me on a date?" Maura held her breath, certain of the answer, but steeling her nerves all the same.

Jane kissed Maura's finger tips lightly, "I think that would be lovely."

"Do you have plans tonight, detective?"

"I am unsure at this moment. Do I have plans tonight, Doctor?"

Maura released the breath she had been subconsciously holding. "You do now."

Jane continued on hesitantly. "Is it acceptable if we go out after our walk? Now that you are back here I am not quite ready for you to leave."

"If we do it would end up being a very low key first date, unlike any I have ever experienced. But then again it would be very fitting for us and maybe that is what I have been missing" Maura mused aloud. "Quite honestly, I don't care if we go to a hot dog cart; Jane Rizzoli just agreed to go on a date with me."

"A hot dog cart and it isn't even my birthday? Pinch me, I must be dreaming" Jane gushed.

Maura obliged the request, pinching a very small amount of skin over Jane's triceps. Jane pushed off Maura's lap and leapt to her feet with a squeal. "Evil, evil woman. Well, I am up now, let's go, shall we?"

* * *

An hour later found them walking side by side in silence on a wooded trail. Jane carried a messenger bag containing water and healthy snacks, slung across her body and resting just under and behind her right arm. It was a crisp afternoon, the temperatures in the mid 50's with a slight breeze. Being a weekday, they hadn't seen another soul.

Jane pulled something from the back pocket of her jeans and handed it to Maura. The doctor accepted the photo and gave it a cursory inspection. "Where did you get this picture of me when I was three? I have never seen it before?"

"Look at the girl more closely, Maur."

Maura studied the photograph more intently. Little things about the girl were off and the clothing was too modern. "Who is this girl, Jane?"

"That, Maura, is Arizona Duncan."

Jane quietly let the doctor process for a moment. Maura gasped aloud. Clutching Jane's left forearm, she pulled them to a stop and looked up into brown eyes. "That is the girl we were looking for? How did I never see this picture before?"

Jane returned the hazel eyed gaze with the same intensity. "Your attention was right where it was required. You needed to work the nanny's body to help us find her location without the distraction this would bring. I ensured you stayed busy and didn't see her picture."

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and pulled her close. She spoke softly with Jane's ear so close by. "That explains why that case affected you so deeply." She paused for a moment collecting her thoughts. "I know you kept it from me to protect me. I understand your decision. I also know you weren't questioning my ability to perform my duties while distracted, however, I get the feeling there is more to this story than that. Care to fill me in?"

Jane sighed and pulled back from the embrace without releasing her arms from around Maura. "Every case we get, I also do a preliminary profile of the offender, even though it isn't my primary field of study."

"That is a completely logical way to approach things, Jane."

"Yes, but if one doesn't know I am Jordan Randolph then that wouldn't make a whole lot sense. These offenders, Maura, I knew from almost the beginning they were experienced. They showed no signs of remorse and they would follow through with their demands. They weren't emotionally attached to any of this. That gave us a very limited time to meet their demands or find them. We weren't going to hear from them again and quite frankly if we hadn't found them, we wouldn't have found her or her body." Two tears were making their way down Jane's face while she spoke. Maura could see the desperation in her features and knew Jane needed to let this out, so she restrained herself from soothing it away. "I did what I thought needed to be done and honestly I would have done just about anything to get her back. When I first saw that picture I had to leave the interview room in the middle of the interview to call you on the phone immediately. Speaking with you wasn't adequate enough to assure myself of your safety, and I ended up in coming to see you. All I could think about was a younger you and how terrified she must have been. My focus was shot and the only thing I was stuck on was your safety."

Maura used the pads of her thumbs to wipe away Jane's tears. "Was that the time you came down and hugged me for a few minutes without saying a word?" The detective closed her eyes and nodded the affirmation. Maura pulled Jane back in tight and kissed her eyelids before embracing her once again.

Maura gently rocked Jane as she soothed away the pain. Jane began to weep silently as Maura spoke. "I am here, Jane. I am safe and nothing has happened to me. You keep me safe and I know no harm will come to me so long as I am in your arms. Furthermore, Arizona is safe. You found her, Jane. You and your big beautiful brain and awesome swagger found her and protected her. Not only did you find her, you brought solace to three other families. Your very existence makes this world a safer place. Don't you ever forget that."

The couple stood in the middle of the trail clinging tightly for a few quiet minutes longer. Jane burrowed her face into Maura's neck and stopped weeping. After she composed herself, the detective cleared her throat and pulled away. She brought both her hands up to gently hold the doctors face and gaze into her eyes. "Thank you, Maura. Thank you for being my… everything." Leaning in slowly so the blond had time to react if she wished, Jane softly brushed her lips over Maura's.

Stepping away from their embrace, Jane offered Maura her arm. Maura happily accepted it and cuddled in tightly to Jane's side as they resumed their stroll. "I am truly not upset with you for your decision to keep that from me, Jane, however I would like to request you do not do so again in the future, especially if you need reassurance that I am ok."

Jane made a big production of agreeing. She drew out every word like it took an exorbitant amount of effort to say. "I guess I can agree to that."

Maura laughed whole heartedly, pleased with a change in mood. "How do you manage to have time for two careers, date, and still hang out with me?"

Jane laughed. "You are amplifying how much I really do. I only teach one class every semester, or so. That class isn't even necessarily that demanding on my time. All of my research observations and data gathering is done in conjunction with my primary profession, so I don't have to devote additional time to that. You have seen how easy the paperwork is for the detectives, correct? Think about how long it would take you to finish it."

Maura thought for a moment. Jane was correct. While monotonous and repetitive, the one thing the paperwork really wasn't was difficult. "Then why are you always complaining about doing it, Jane?"

"It's my cover, Maura. I have whatever it is I am working on as Jordan or grading in the background. When someone approaches, I simply click over to the appropriate page and look as if I am struggling with boredom. Most people just think I have a short attention span and am puttering around on the internet. How many times have you seen me frantically clicking over as you are approaching? And don't raise your eyebrow at me, I know you notice. Don't forget that I know your micro expressions just as intimately as you know mine."

Maura started laughing as Jane continued. "Truth be told, the most difficult part is making the grammatical and spelling mistakes and typos in Jane's work. Everyone has come to expect a certain incompetence in Jane Rizzoli reports and more often than not I have to go back and put mistakes in."

Maura had her head back as she laughed even harder. "And here I am thinking you did that on purpose so that you wouldn't have to do as much paperwork."

Jane giggled, "Well there is that as an added bonus."

Maura quieted her laughter. "You are incorrigible, Detective Rizzoli."

They walked along for a little while longer reminiscing about Jane's antics involving paperwork mishaps. It really was quite amusing how inept she appeared to be with paperwork when she in fact wrote doctorial level papers read by thousands in their professions. The dichotomy of all that was Jane/Jordan was fascinating to the doctor and she appreciated being in on the now private joke.

As they walked further the trail began following next to a babbling brook. Jane led Maura off the trail, down an embankment to a fallen log and sat down. "We are about a third of the way down the trail. I like to stop here for a drink and a snack. It is peaceful here and most people stay on the trail, never venturing down here."

Digging in her bag, Jane produced two bottles of waters and two apples with a flourish, "Your sustenance, Dr."

"Thank you, ma'am. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."

Jane smiled. "Two quotes in two days, Maura! I am so proud of you! Granted they were both filmed over half a century ago, but it is still progress none the less!"

Maura smirked. "So, is that another half a point or do I get a full one this time for quantity?"

Jane shook her head. "You're using sarcasm like a champ! My work here is done."

Maura guffawed at Jane's response. "I was hoping you hadn't even started your work on me yet, Jane."

Jane blushed and shook her head. "I've got no response for that."

Maura asked the question that had been plaguing her since the statement had been made. "Why would so many women know you are in love with me if they never interacted with us?"

Jane gazed at the brook for a few moments before replying. "After the hospital incident, my reoccurring nightmares changed. They were no longer about someone hurting me. Almost all of them have evolved to you being hurt in some way or missing and me being unable to save you or find you." There was a pause for a few breaths. "When we don't spend as much time together as normal, I start to have them more frequently. When I have a nightmare, I wake up screaming your name and frantically searching for you. Imagine how a woman Jordan is seeing feels when the person they are sharing a bed with is screaming another woman's name in her sleep and is confused as to their whereabouts once they finally do awaken. And as if that isn't enough, Jordan promptly exits the bed to make a phone call from a phone they have never seen to speak to said woman."

Maura studied the detective unobtrusively for a few moments, certain she wasn't finished. She continued with a sigh. "I usually don't spend the night with whoever Jordan is sleeping with. Sleeping with the wig on is uncomfortable and there is always the possibility, albeit miniscule, that I will get called to a crime scene." Jane lowered her voice even more, "and I have not spent a night with someone and not woken up from a nightmare about you."

Maura leaned over into Jane's line of sight and patiently waited for her to make eye contact. Once she did, Maura knelt in front of her and cupped her face with both hands. This time Maura was the one to lean in and caress Jane's lips with her own. In an attempt to lighten the conversation, the blond cracked a joke. "I am quite fortunate I get to date Jane Rizzoli as opposed to Jordan Randolph, then."

"Actually, Maura, you're more fortunate than that. You get to the distinction of being the only person to ever date both Jane Rizzoli and Jordan Randolph." Jane smiled into Maura's eyes.

With a smirk she continued on, "Point of fact, no one else has had to deal with Jane's moodiness, Jordan's lack of humor, Jane's grubbiness, and Jordan's bitchiness all in one girlfriend." She ended it with her trademark "Yay."

Maura threw her head back and guffawed, releasing Jane's cheeks to wrap her arms around her neck. "That may be true; however, you forgot a few things I get to experience that the others did not. Not only am I privy to Jordan's intellect and practicality, I'm also privileged to bear witness to Jane's protectiveness, loyalty, humor, and most importantly, her familiarity with me. All wrapped up inside a badass exterior." Maura sobered for a moment. "Make no mistake about this Jane; I truly am the fortuitous one."

Jane blushed and buried her face into Maura's neck once again. Maura heard her next muffled statement. "This is it for me, Maur. I am all in. Like I said in the letter, there is no halfway when it comes to you, and I know that. We must be friends above all else, and I have absolutely no intention of hiding our relationship." Jane pulled away again and grasped Maura's hands, bringing them to hold in between them. "I do not intend to share this with anyone else, so the only stipulation to that will be you cannot be with Jordan in public."

Maura replied with a smile. "I would expect nothing less Jane. Everyone knows Jane Rizzoli doesn't share," Maura said with a wink. "As for your earlier statement, you must know I too am all in, Jane. You are it for me, you are my everything. I have waited far too long for this opportunity to squander it away. We will always be friends. Point of fact, being friends happens to be what we excel at."

"Geez, Maur. We really took the lesbian clichés to heart, didn't we? Not even our first date and we are proposing our undying devotion to one another."

"This is my first and only time as a lesbian; I just want to ensure I get it right, Jane."

It was Jane's turn to laugh. "Always the consummate over achiever, Doctor."

Maura returned to sitting on the log and they finished their apples and waters while they laughed and joked. Jane took the apple cores and tossed them at the base of some trees and returned the empty water bottles to her satchel. "Let us away, my Dear" she told Maura as she stood and offered her hand once again.

They returned to the trail and began working their way back around the trailhead chatting comfortably as they were prone to do.

A thought occurred to Maura. "What did you mean that they saw you make a phone call from a phone they didn't know you had?"

"Oh, I have a separate phone for Jordan. I forward Jane's calls to her phone so that I am reachable by you guys at all times. I even have an app I can use to return text messages. It takes a lot of focus to make a call or send texts from that phone while making it appear as if I am sending them from Jane's phone. On those nights I tend to be unable to focus, so I would just go into the drawer in which I keep all of Jane's items at Jordan's apartment and use that."

Maura responded after a moment. "I always figured the calls late at night came because of nightmares, though I had no idea that I was the object of them. It also explains my difficulty reaching you on Wednesdays, though you always return my calls or texts." She paused for a thoughtful moment before resuming. "On the plus side, the next time you are in bed with your girlfriend and you have a nightmare, you won't have to make a call."

Jane quirked an eye brow, "Aren't you being a little presumptuous, there Maur?"

Maura laughed, "No, I really don't think so, Jane. Now that I realize what that look is on your face when you are studying me and I think of how often I see it there, definitely not. I know I am not being presumptuous at all." Maura kissed the back of Jane's hand. "Just as there is no doubt in my mind that you knowing I have been pining over you since just after the plaster hand incident would lead you to a similar conclusion regarding a silly look on my face when I am looking at you."

Jane was thoughtful for a moment, "I won't have to explain who Veronica is either."

The doctor threw her head back laughing. "Please! Veronica? And here I thought you were more inventive than that. I know one of your secret pleasures is Veronica Mars. You forget how often I am forced to endure that drivel with you. I will grant you that Kristen Bell is rather attractive, though."

"It is hardly drivel there Miss Boremetodeathwithdocumentaries. And you have only been a lesbian for a couple hours. What gives you the right to have a star crush already?" Jane huffed.

"I am not a lesbian Jane. I am a woman who happened to fall in love with her best friend. I choose to date people for one of two things: personality or sex. Just because you happen to be the first person I have dated who I want for both doesn't make me a lesbian. Don't forget I grew up in Europe and attended an all-girls boarding school. This is not my first dalliance with a woman just because it is my last. And I'll have you know I have had a crush on Kristen Bell as long as you have had one on Sandra Bullock."

"Is it too late to reconsider this dating my best friend thing?" Jane inquired playfully. "You know too much about me already."

"Yes. But don't forget the flip side, Jane. You know a lot about me as well."

Jane was giggling as they walked. "This is going to be a whole lot of fun, isn't Maur?"

Maura chuckled herself. "I definitely plan on enjoying myself, what you do is your business."

Jane roared with laughter. "Oh, I plan on enjoying myself as well."

Maura grew contemplative for a moment. "Jane, did you honestly considering marrying Casey without him knowing about Jordan?"

Jane laughed, "Not seriously. He couldn't handle Jane. How the hell would he handle Jane and Jordan? I think, Good Doctor, there is only one person in this world who is capable of handling all of this," Jane said gesturing to her entire body.

"I haven't handled you yet, Jane and rest assured there will be no doubt in your mind once I have." Maura responded with a wink. Jane opened her mouth and just stared ahead as the two women continued on their way never losing their playfulness.

A few minutes later, they rounded a curve and Maura spotted the trailhead. "Have I told you how much I miss Jo Friday, Maura?"

Maura shook her head, "Not specifically, but I know you do."

"Do you think it is too early for us to discuss adopting another dog?" Jane asked hesitantly.

"Maybe I would if you were anyone else I have dated, but no, I do not think it is. We have already been dating for years, remember? And it won't even be our first dog" Maura replied confidently. "Would you prefer to get a particular breed and a puppy this time? That way we can raise it as we see fit?"

Jane cleared her throat. "Actually, Maur, I kind of view it like I do having children. I would rather give a home to puppy or child that has never had a good one. I know we are strong, patient, and knowledgeable about emotional and physical scars. It would mean a lot to me for us to use that to give love to a dog or child that has never experienced it before."

Maura had tears in her eyes at Jane's heartfelt revelation. "I think it is more appropriate to start with a dog first. We can work up to a child later, don't you think?"

They stopped as they reached the passenger side door. Jane gazed into Maura's eyes, her own chocolate orbs shining with her unshed tears. "That is a good plan, doctor." Jane leaned and brushed her lips over Maura's once more before opening the door for the blond.

As Jane turned the ignition key, she glanced over at Maura. "Oh, and I forgot to mention one more little thing, Maur. Now that you know who I am, you get to help me edit Jordan's papers. I hope you truly are as patient as you let on. Now come on, let's scoot. I have a hot date tonight!"

* * *

 **A/N Thank all you guys for your support! The follows, favorites, and comments are very rewarding. One more big thank you to Kei for helping me keep my poop in a group. This is most likely not the end of this universe for the ladies, but for the moment I am returning to my other story. PM or comment if you have an idea you would like to see. TTFN.**


End file.
